Coping

I spent yesterdays night by the window like so many nights before, sleepless. Wondering about the wintermonths that lie ahead and how I am going to cope with this bitter fact. In a few weeks it´s christmas and that is my greatest fear, having to sit there among my loved ones trying to keep my spirit up although I´m dying inside.

Christmas is a joyful holiday for most but then there's people like me, who dread it and who would rather forget everything about that weekend.

I blame my mother for this you know, because christmas is all about family, love and friends, but my family isn't complete and therefore I mourn at christmas time.

I am scared for these months that lie ahead, I really am.

Tonight I am going to go out and face the darkness again, on my own just like I did yesterday. I clear my head while taking these evening strolls and a certain calm takes over my heart. This feeling helps me through my roughest days.