lördag 7 februari 2009

I shall not faulter

I have made an important decision today. I have decided to face some old demons that have been bothering me since the age of 7.

The village I live in is very small and when I was a child we had a working school here, unfortunately that school is closed today and its corridors are empty. I have not been in this house since the age of 12 and after the story that I am gonna tell now, you probably wouldn't blame me.

The children were mean there and the adults too. I was bullied from the age of 7 to 12 in that very school, on that very place, in the house of evil.

I was small and didn't say much, I often sat quiet in a corner and I was far too kind. People took advantage of that you see, they used me. The children called me ugly and useless and sometimes they even hit me with sticks on their lunchbreaks, screaming how worthless I was and how much they hated me. For SIX damn years this went on. The teacher's didn't give a rat's ass, they pretended like they didn't see. This destroyed me.

I can't begin to tell you how much this had destroyed me and some of the things that went on there dare I not even write about.

I promised myself to NEVER put one foot in that house again after they closed the school and I never have. BUT today I contacted the person that owns the key to this house and decided to face these old demons. I shall stand face to face with this house and not faulter. I must to this, I must go there to get closure.

I am afraid of what I am going to feel as I walk up the stairs to our old classroom, seeing those big old windows that I had looked out of so many times in the past, praying for rescue. I am terrified.

This house is a place of evil, at least for me.

9 kommentarer:

Suzanne Rowley sa...

Ida, it is a good thing that you have got to a place where you feel you can face going back there. You need to - to get closure. Take someone you trust with you, it'll make it easier if you're not alone. How wrong all those people were....how very wrong & cruel. All the best Ida, I will be thinking of you.

Claire sa...

I pray that you will find what you need.

Hidden Sage sa...

Go for it and stay strong!

Carrie Hayes sa...

Ida I hope you find the peace you need from your experience. I agree with Suzanne take someone you trust with you for moral support! My prayers are with you!

Arctis sa...

Usch vad hemskt att läsa. Tänk att sånt får hända, inför ögonen på vuxna. Lider verkligen med dig. starkt av dig att våga gå dit igen.

omami sa...

your life story is so moving, every time I read more I can't beleive... I'm really sorry, I feel that your a lovely person... Good luck hope you find a litte peace!

Mary Sue sa...

Okej... vad vill du ge för den? Jag har ju inte lagt upp annonserna än på tradera så det ska ju gå bra! :)

PJ sa...

There's nothing worse than not feeling cared for, especially as a child. To go back is a good idea and I hope that you will find someone to help you deal with all your feelings, whatever they may be.

Larry Poulton sa...

You are strong. You are not damaged. You are an individual, a survivor, a fighter. You are moving away from the demons and towards all that is right and beautiful. You are not a faulterer. You are going boldly!