lördag 31 januari 2009
fredag 30 januari 2009
torsdag 29 januari 2009
onsdag 28 januari 2009
tisdag 27 januari 2009
måndag 26 januari 2009
I have had the most relaxing afternoon today while drinking tea with a friend. It felt just like old times. How I love these moments, when everything around just seems to stop while you enjoy each other company.
These beautiful flowers belong to this dear friend and are bought in London. Lovely aren't they?
How I long for England, the red big dubbledeckers, fish & chips and the soft cool london rain.
söndag 25 januari 2009
Aaaaah tulips! How I have longed for these beauties! Now they sit in a gorgeous glass vase on my kitchen table.
lördag 24 januari 2009
fredag 23 januari 2009
Tomorrow, if I have figured out how to switch in on by then, I will do some capturing!
Anyone who has a canon of this very type and can give me some useful advice?
torsdag 22 januari 2009
Last night as I went to bed I felt worried, almost frightened that she would come and yell at me for stopping and destroying her beautiful fasad. Her friends does not know I exist and god forbid they ever should. I feel like telling them all and poking a hole in my mothers bubble that she has created for herself thorughout the years. Her bubble of lies and complete makebelieve.
I believe that she would have reacted diffrently if her husband hadn't been there, maybe she would have embraced me after all. A part of me thinks so. I felt like saying: " I miss you mom" but I didn't have the courage, scared to death of what her response would have been. I don't know her and she does not know me, but I miss having a mother.
I wonder if she thinks of yesterdays meeting just like I am doing now, if she too spent last night sleepless, sitting by the window regretting her mistakes.
onsdag 21 januari 2009
Me and a friend were strolling around the supermarket in a nearby town when I suddenly spot my mother two iles down. You all know who I feel about her and what she has done to me, her lack of love and cold black eyes. I had not seen her for about 6 years I think but she looked the same; thin, curly hair, glasses, sparkling jeans. At first I froze, grabbed my friend by the arm and said: "mom is here", "mom is here". I hid behind one of the shelfs, I didn't feel ready to face her. The fear I felt at that point made me tremble.
And then It came to me: WHY should I hide? I have been hiding out of fear for the last 20 years, fearing that the sight of her would cause a complete breakdown. I have NOT done anything wrong, she left me not the opposite.
I decided to face her and meet this lifelong fear of mine. I walked up to her and when she saw me she froze. At first I thought she would walk away but she had nowhere to hide. She saw who I was, I didn't think she would but I was wrong. "Hi", she said with her eyes on everything but my own. "Hi, mom", I replied.
I saw panic in her eyes, fear, despair. There I was, looking straight at her, waiting for kind word or at least a hug. Nothing came, just silence.
Her husband was also quiet, not a word, his eyes was filled with hate, like I had ruined everything just by running in to them.
I left them standing there, with their eyes big as canonballs. I was the last person they ever thought they would run in to but how wrong they were. God was on my side today.
They have ignored my existence for so long, moved on with their lives, put three new children to the world as if to forget all about me but I have not forgotten.
I hope she saw the disapointment in my eyes, and how she has failed completely when it comes to motherhood. I hope she saw my pain, the pain SHE has caused. I hope she felt it, every unse of it too.
tisdag 20 januari 2009
måndag 19 januari 2009
I got such a lovely friend award from Ann today. THANK YOU for this Ann, it was a real joyboost!
The following explanatory paragraph is to be included when you post about this award, so remember that, recipients!
"The Friends Award isn't about being the most popular blogger or having the most read blog. It is just because you are a friend." Here is the cleverly written text of the award: "These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbon of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."
Friendship is really important and I have made so many new friends here through blogger. You feel like my family and I care for you all!
It's never easy to give this kind of an award on but I have chosen as follows:
söndag 18 januari 2009
lördag 17 januari 2009
fredag 16 januari 2009
These past couple of days have been rough and my soul has felt completely dried out, thereof my lack of posts.
I seek beauty to capture but I find none. I long for simplicity, for fine lines and beautiful shapes but my world seems empty.
Lonliness echo inside of me and I roam my house like a restless spirit, searching for peace.
Tonight I went to se a friend and got cheered up a bit by her cat, she liked my hat.. :) hey that rhymed.. Hope you all have had a good day!
torsdag 15 januari 2009
The stars are as soft as flowers, and as near
the hills are webs of shadow, softly spun
no seperate leaf or single blade is here
- all blend to one
No moonbeam cuts the air; a sapphire light
rolls lazily and slips again to rest
there is no edged thing in all this night,
safe in my breast.
- Dorothy Parker
Dear friends, I am in the search of a poem that I have heard several years ago. It starts: the hills are webs of shadows softly spun..
Does anybody know who the writer is? You see I woke up with this line echoing in my head last night and something told me I just had to find it.
If you know where I can find this and who the writer is, please let me know. Thank you.
onsdag 14 januari 2009
This lovely picture is of my grandmother and grandfather. I found it in an old box along with some curtains in her basament today. She was 23 and he 26 on that day, their wedding day. I cried with tears of joy when I unwrapped this painting from it's layers of soft pink paper and carried it upstairs to show her. It's a timeless treasure and I shall keep it always.
She was so beautiful here and so was he, so young and so in love. These are my absolute favourite people in my life and although my grandfather is pasted away he still is. He suffered from Parkinson's disease for many years and eventually his eyes lost their shimmer and he left us. This was about three years ago. He lives although, as you know deep inside of me. His kindness and love warms my soul everyday.
My grandmother are alive and well at the age of 72 and she still is stunningly beautiful!
Grandpa, if you're upstairs listening: I LOVE and miss you! And grandma: you are the light of my life, my best friend and the rock of my life. You have made me who I am today and I love you dearly.
tisdag 13 januari 2009
måndag 12 januari 2009
söndag 11 januari 2009
Memories awoke today, days of a time gone by. I still remember your kindness and our talks but somehow we lost track of each other. That is very common you know so don't feel bad about it, I don't.
Lifes change, people change, we changed. I grew one way and you the other. Our friendship faded with the wind and after sometime you weren't there anymore, in the back of my mind like you used to. You were gone and all that existed was a gentle mist, fragments of dinners and talks we had shared years before.
When I saw you today, you appeared the same, like nothing had changed. I saw that familar light and your voice hummed just like I remembered it. You had been there all along obviously, and maybe I had too, perhaps without even knowing it.
Welcome back, dear friend.
I'd like to share with you this swedish speciality and one of my all time favourites. It's like a vanilla butter almost and it tastes delicious. We call it Messmör, haha..this word probably sounds funny to you americans but we have a lot of funny words over here believe me!
Sometimes for breakfast I put this on top of my sandwich together with some cheese.. it is soo good!
lördag 10 januari 2009
This sign means that no parking what so ever are aloud in this area! I parked here anyway though since it was nighttime and my car is of a very dark color, black in fact.. I thought it would blend in with the darkness and no one would see it but things didn't really work out... I wouldn't tell anyone if I were you ;)