Thank you everybody for commenting me and my mothers encounter.
Last night as I went to bed I felt worried, almost frightened that she would come and yell at me for stopping and destroying her beautiful fasad. Her friends does not know I exist and god forbid they ever should. I feel like telling them all and poking a hole in my mothers bubble that she has created for herself thorughout the years. Her bubble of lies and complete makebelieve.
I believe that she would have reacted diffrently if her husband hadn't been there, maybe she would have embraced me after all. A part of me thinks so. I felt like saying: " I miss you mom" but I didn't have the courage, scared to death of what her response would have been. I don't know her and she does not know me, but I miss having a mother.
I wonder if she thinks of yesterdays meeting just like I am doing now, if she too spent last night sleepless, sitting by the window regretting her mistakes.
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"Hey, don't you know it's a waste of your day, Caught up in endless solutions That have no meaning, just another hunch, Based upon jumping conclusions, Caught up in endless solutions, Backed up against a wall of confusion, Living a life of illusion."
Lyrics by Joe Walsh "A life of illusion", song hit by the Eagles.
Åhhh Ida, Ida, hon är inte ens värd att kallas din mor. Har hon trots sitt eländiga och hemska beteende något hjärta i kroppen så hoppas jag innerligt att hon mår dåligt nu och undrar över hur hon kan ha hållit sig borta i alla år. Hon vet inte vad hon har gått miste om. Du är ju världens goaste tjej!!! Varmaste kramen
I heard something the other day, I don't know if it applies here:
Bad parents always want unconditional love.
I thought about that for a long time and I think it's true. Good parents have enough love enough to nourish their children properly and in that way they teach them how to love. Someone, your grandmother perhaps?, has loved you well so now you have love to give and don't feel the need to hoard it. Bless you, Ida.
As for your mother, who can say. But I think you're the better parent. '~)
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