fredag 12 december 2008

I'm closing them now

The night is empty and

despair has built an ugly
nest inside my mind and
the ability to speak is
forever lost

I roam the corridors back
and forth, watching the old
lace curtains flicker in
the late night wind

the house is freezing but
so am I, my heart has
turned into clumps of
blue ice that grows
colder as we speak

maybe it's time to close the
windows now
I had left them open
just in case you would
change your mind and
fly back in.

Are you coming or not?

4 kommentarer:

Gramma Ann sa...

Dear Ida,

Please share some happy memories with me about you and your dear loved one. Think happy thoughts and share them with me. I would love to listen.

Love and hugs.

Gramma Ann

Gramma Ann sa...


I have experienced much pain throughout my life, but, also much happiness. I have learned over the years to try to dwell on the happy times. Yes, I have been in my black hole, as I call it a few times. It isn't a pleasant place to be, but I always try to climb out of it.

I have a son who is now 50 years old, but when he was 20 years old and married 4 months he fell and was paralyzed from just below the waist. He has lived in a wheelchair since. (There is a picture of him and his brother on "Mercedez Fun Room" blog.) He and his wife have been married 30 years and have 3 teen-age daughters. They are very happy.

4 years and 4 months ago my son who was then 37 years old committed suicide. That broke my heart, but I am moving on with my life. Nothing hurts more than when a loved one commits suicide. The whole family was devastated. But we remember him with happy memories.

So it isn't easy like I said before, but it is possible to heal.

Love from Gramma Ann

Gramma Ann sa...

But they are happy tears, because, it was a happy memory.

Faith sa...

Oh, Ida your poetry is so beautifully sorrowful. And Gramma Ann, your comments are so heart felt. Sometimes sorrow needs to be written and written in order to begin to heal. Words are so powerful and even in despair can offer a path toward healing. I love the image of the curtains flickering in the wind. I think now I will look at my own windows with that image in my mind's eye. Thank you, Ida for sharing.
And maybe, if you leave the windows open just a bit, maybe some other joy will fly in....